We imagine our first kiss, first love, first crush and our first I love you but we never imagine our first heartbreak. Maybe we are just in love of the thoughts of being in love. Love songs, romantic dates, red roses and romantic places. Admit it to yourself that we want also our fairy tale ends with happily-ever-after. Like Romeo and Juliet proved that love really conquers all. It sounds great to fall in love right? How about if you are the next victim of cupid who never the intention to enter the game of love but you innocently still did? What are you going to do?
It started one early morning on our campus. I was running going to my first class when somebody bumped me. All my things scattered on the floor. Worst, the guy who bumped me did not even give a damn to check or look if I’m okay or still alive. I checked my eyeglasses if it still okay (actually I still can see even without my eyeglasses). Then one guy approached me and helps me get my things. Gentleman still exists nowadays, huh? It was such a nice act. I supposed to say thank you to the guy but my tongue refused to mouth an array of words. The guy was dropped gorgeous, his brown eyes and perfect curve of his lips makes me wanna repeat the whole thing if this guy will always be there. Arghh! I thought an angel came down from heaven and I was the lucky girl who happened to witness it. Back to reality, the guy just looks at me with his questioning eyes and annoyed face. How can an angry man still look handsome on that face? I immediately get my books and go straight to my class. When I was about to enter the room, the guy who help me was there, too. Is he stalking me? That’s impossible! Omg, Is he my professor? I don’t think so. Or is he my classmate? That would be great. I was looking for some vacant seat and there you go I found an empty two chairs at the back. Wait! It means we are seatmate? I’ll be the happiest girl on earth if that will happen. And my wish granted.
The next morning, we became close to each other. And as I did my research about this guy I found out that he is a consistent dean lister and wait! He’s a campus head turner? One of the campus heartthrobs. What a nice credential. No wonder all the girls on our department are dying just to be close to him, get his number and ask for a date. So I am lucky then. He was a graduating student and I was still a freshman student. For the second time of my life, my young heart did not only beat for myself but for other people also (the first one was a news reporter). We talked, laughed, joked and he became one of my lunch buddies. I think of him when I’m doing nothing. I think of him when I’m doing something. I am constantly thinking of him every second. What will you do if you started falling in love with your friend? Yes! I’m in love with my friend. Friend-zoned? Maybe. But partly a one sided love. He’s in love with somebody else. Not just a typical girl like me. She was our class president, dean lister and the most beautiful in our class. While I was the nerd and shy girl in class who hates the parties and crowd. What a dull rivalry. While I was trying to make him notice me, my great rival was pretty relaxed because she doesn’t need to give a damn effort just to catch the attention of my friend/crush. It was really unfair! The only card in my hand was that he’s always with me. That’s what friends are for, right? The guy asked for my advices on how to win a woman’s heart. What do you think of giving a piece of advice to your friend/crush how the girl will fall for him? It’s kinda bit one hell of pain. You wish to the star that ‘I hope it was me, instead’ I want to grab the hair of my classmate, knock her down and make her beg for being such a perfect girl. Perfect is indeed boring so I guess I should never lose my hope. But how can I do that if I was such a big coward. I can’t even say to my friend that I was in love with him. For almost half a year, I remained silent in one side and try to wait for the right time and right place. Sometimes we pretend to be okay despite the damages our heart have been through. It feels like hell. You know what hurts most about pretending? You try to smile in front of everybody but deep inside you want to scream to the world that you’re badly hurt- your heart turn into small pieces. Then one day, the guy came to me with his killer smile, that time, I told myself that I will be brave now to confess my feelings for him. When I was about to say my feelings for him, he told me “Thanks for your good advice. She’s now my girlfriend” Boom! It was a strong slapped on my face. Life is really so unfair. When you are already ready to tell what you intend to say and you realized that it’s already too late. I asked myself “what did I missed?” I’m not really that ugly; I’m also intelligent, religious and gifted in music. Why he chose the other girl instead of me? Maybe we don’t have what they called “chemistry” because we will just remain in “physics” (just kidding).
That was my second heartbreak. I pity my innocent heart. I saw them in the canteen, laughing and eating together. They were such a cute couple. I’m happy for my friend because I can see from his beautiful eyes that he was madly, deeply in love with the girl. Putting aside my broken heart and shattered being. Imagine the intensity 10 earthquake hits the Philippines? It’s more than that. I was devastated as if I lost everything, shattered and probably unable to bring back my old me. It’s killing me softly. But then again, I try to hold on and maintain my composure as possible. I became pretentious. I pretended to smile, laugh, and everything’s okay. As days passed by, I started picking up the little pieces of me. Little by little I try to accept everything. That you can’t have everything you want.
Then one day, when I fully recovered from all the pain they caused, the guy came to me with a heavy heart. He told me that the girl broke up with him. I said to myself that I should avoid him as possible and continue my life. But how can you refuse a guy crying in front of you which who happen to be the man you once love? Honestly, I was a bit happy about what happened. Am I too selfish and mean if I said that I’m happy that they broke up and now here is the guy crying in front of me trying to get my comfort? Then there I was again, the girl to the rescue. Even if I knew that there’s no guarantee that he will fall for me too. We became close again with each other. We became best friend. The old times brought back again. Then here it is again, my heart begun to beat for him. I told myself that this time, I will make sure that no matter what happen or hindrances I will confess my feelings for him. No turning back at all.
Then as his graduation day came. We were both happy about our achievements (He graduated cum laude and I became a consistent dean lister). Everything was perfect until the time her mother said that they will migrate to America for good. I was about to say to him that I love him when his mother said “Son, say goodbye now to your best friend”. Again, it was too late. During the time when God released the blessings, maybe I was the last one who got the final blessing. Funny how we realize everything when it is already too late. Funny how this isn’t funny at all. When he was about to say goodbye, I can’t help my tears. He said they will come back very soon. But if there’s one thing I hold on to is that he said that he loves me and he will be back for me. It hurts inside but at least I already knew that he loves me too. And I want to hold on to his promise. I hugged him so tight and whispered on his ear the thing I always wanted to say- I LOVE YOU. He kissed me at my forehead and said the painful goodbye I ever heard.
When you find something real, you just couldn’t easily give that up or let it go. It may have lots of what if’s and what could have been’s but still we didn’t stop loving and hoping that someday it will be a happily ever after. We should not stop loving because someone broke our trust and heart, nobody loves you, everything seems so wrong and nobody wants you to be happy. Believe me; I felt the same way too but you know what? The people who think that to you will soon realize that they are such a big jerk because they lost the most amazing person they met along their way.
Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.