How Do I live Without You?


It’s a bit ironic because I am a hopeless romantic person yet I don’t believe in happily-ever-after. Yes! You read it right. I don’t believe in love at first sight. I love stories which end up the main character died in a tragic accident or illnesses. I don’t believe in fate or destiny.  Should I have the right to be included to be called “Hopeless Romantic”? Before you judge me or I’ll bet your thinking that i’m crazy, let me just explain my side and tell you something about it.

I was a working student back then. I have to worked hard everyday to make a living. I was assigned as the head officer in the laundry and in the canteen as a cashier by mother superior. Let me just say that I am not a nun. Like I said I was just a working student. I studied Bachelor of Science in Secondary Education major in Mathematics. When I already earned a degree I worked as a teacher and tutor in high school. I never thought of falling in love because I’m too busy for that to include in my hectic schedule but I guess we don’t have a control about it when cupid enters our life.

He was a working student too. A graduating law student. A part-time professor by day, a junior lawyer associate by afternoon and a student by night. Yes! He was such a hard working and intelligent man. We knew each other because we have the same hometown. Whenever my relatives had an occasion, he was always there. I didn’t get close to him because I was too shy back then. They were very good friends with my cousins. They talked about everything. He seems an articulate man. I knew that it’s not good to eavesdropped but I can’t help myself to look at him and listened to his very good English. Whenever he visited at our place, he never forgets to bring some foods for the whole family. I lived in my relatives only.

Maybe I was not ugly back then. I have a lot of admirers who never failed to send me a box of chocolates and love letters. But as I said, I was too busy to entertain them. I did not come to the city to find a husband. I came there to study and find a good job to support my family in the province. After my class, I have to tutor some students. I came home late because of that. Since he lived in the neighborhood, he always visited me and my cousins at our place. He was the one who reads my love letters. He was good to me and I easily became close to him and treated him like my brother. Frankly, I admit that he was not a heartthrob or any knight and shining armour.


Then one day, we had a special gathering. He was the president in the association (i forgot the name of the association). He invited all of us to come at the party. I really don’t have any plan to join them but my Uncle was begging me to attend the party which I can’t say no. I did not have any efforts to dress up. I even wore just a plain dress. The crowd was so lively but I can’t even force myself to enjoy the night. I got bored. Then, every guy in the party has to choose a lady they want to dance in the center floor. When it was Arnaldo’s (it’s his name) turn, I was in the state of shocked because he wants me to dance with him. I was so naive before. I did not dance with him. In short, i did not accept his hand to dance with him. I run straight to the door and leave the party. They said that he was so drunk in the party that night. Actually, they said that he doesn’t usually drink liquor but because of that incident, I guess alcohol was his only way to save his pride and ego.

I continuously received a box of chocolates and love letters. Honestly, all letters had a nice contents and I had to admit that they were very good. Some of them had their names, acronym and pen name put in the end of the letter. I can’t help myself but to think and ask who these guys are. Although Arnaldo and I had a little misunderstanding, he never failed to visit me at my place. One time, he reads me one of the letters of my admirers.  “I love you very much that I can’t live without seeing you everyday. I will do everything just to make you happy and I will never give up on you if this is just a start of our forever and happily-ever-after” he reads. Of course, as a normal lady, who can’t fall in love with those beautiful words that seem promises a good and happy future? But then again, Arnaldo always against on my admirers who send all those love letters. He sometimes said “who do you think is this bastard? What a pitiful stupid fool!”

One night, I came home earlier than my usual time; I heard my uncle and Arnaldo talking about something. It seems an important matter. Although I heard something that their talking about me, I did not took it seriously. Then one day, my cousin told me that the one who always send me some box of chocolates and love letters with different names and acronym written on it is Arnaldo. Yes! It was him! All those years, he betrayed me. A sweet betrayal a matter-of-factly. So, the bastard and pitiful stupid fool like he said was himself? It took me a day before everything sunk in.


I did not talk to him after that. I tried my best not to cross our way. But life was not on my side. Life also betrayed me and left me with no choice. My mother and brother send me a letter that they want me to go back to the province and give them money. I promised myself not to go back to the place where only bad memories were there. I hated my brother and the life I was before. That was the time I confronted Arnaldo. “Do you really love me?” I asked. He said yes. “Then let’s get married” I said. He was so shocked that time because supposedly it was his line. But I don’t have any choice. I don’t want to go back in our province. Maybe you’ll think that I only married him for convenience. Of course, I do love him so much. Remember that I said I was attracted with him? Actually, I loved him the second time my eyes saw him (not love at first sight). It was so fast I did not even realize that I was already married to the man I loved a long time ago after one day. We got married in civil. I said to my mother and brother that I got married already and I can’t come to visit them. He help me about my family problem and also financially.


After seven years of our marriage, I have to make some big adjustments in my life. At the age of 32, I was already widowed. My life became miserable. I don’t know how to start all over again and how to live without him. But then again, with the help of my relatives, co-teachers and the people around me, I easily accepted everything. Things fall apart so that better things can fall together.  Everything happens for a reason. God will never take anything away from us without giving us something better. We simply have to trust His will. I took the job in Africa as a teacher there. It also helps me a lot to recover easily and woke up from this nightmare.


When we know how to fall in love, we should also know how to fall out of love. It’s one of my rules when it comes in love. We seek for things which sometimes impossible to find when in fact it’s already been there. We just did not realize it. I tell you, we should never get tired in finding our true love. And when you already found the one, please make the most of it and cherish every day, hour, minute and second because it will never be back and it will never be same. When you fight, you have to fight all the damn way through. Don’t be like me. I already had my chance but I just took it for granted. It’s now too late for me to bring back the old times. I just hope everything will be okay and I hope I will never stop loving. Fate or destiny? We are the one who make our own fate or destiny. Everything we do has its consequences whether it’s good or bad. I guess that’s what I learned from my logic class. It’s quite simple but it makes sense. I just want to say that love stories should never end with happily-ever-after or happy ending because I believe that true love never ends. It should continue its story like infinity.

Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.


3 comments on “How Do I live Without You?

  1. Dilip says:

    Nicely scripted sounds real 🙂


  2. Wow – great story! Until I read the very last line about how you made up this story, I thought it was about you. This story really engaged me – I could see this as a movie someday. It is also similar to my “real” story. I got married at 22 to a man who was head-over-heals in love with me. But romantic love doesn’t last and he fell out of love with me and left me after 7 years. This was a dark time in my life, but after many years, I found love again (the ‘real’ love of my life). I am very much in love and happy now. Thank you for this lovely story. Celeste 🙂


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